Rish Performs "The Christmas Abomination" by Heather Shaw & Tim Pratt

Way back in 2010, I got picked to narrate the holiday story "The Christmas Mummy" by Tim Pratt and Heather Shaw.  It was one of the first projects I got tapped to perform by myself, and despite my then-inferior sound quality, it became a perennial favorite of discerning listeners everywhere.  Also, the story was pretty great.

Well, here we are a seven year later, with every cell in my body now different than it was, and I got asked to voice the sequel, "The Christmas Abomination from Beyond the Back of the Stars."  It picks up sometime after the first story, and brings back all the characters,* including the delightful-to-perform Doctor Moriarty.**

I was happy to come back to do this story, and I can only hope that this one becomes somebody's tradition like the first one.  Maybe Heather and Tim will collaborate on another of these someday.  Stranger things have happened.

You can find it at THIS LINK.

*I had to go back and make note of how I voiced each of these characters, then attempt to replicate them a year or two down the road.

**I really ought to upload my attempt(s) to pronounce "Peshtirimobdybelig."  It should entertain somebody other than me.

TGMG 202: Ragnarok

Big and Rish made sure to see (and review) the latest film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. You make sure to listen.



Download the episode by Right-Clicking HERE.

Rish Performs "Customer Service Hobgoblin" on Far-Fetched Fables

Once again, Gary Dowell contacted me to do another story reading over on the Far-Fetched Fables podcast.  Every time big-shot podcasters ask me to narrate for them, I pray (to Pan, most often) I get a good one.  This particular fable is "Customer Service Hobgoblin" by Paul Hardy.*

Dang, this is a good one, sirs and madam.  Basically, a snarky minor deity has fallen on hard times and is forced to process prayers in a call center, which is humiliating enough for us mere mortals.  It's clever, it's funny, and it's got an awesome narrator.

Check it out RIGHT HERE.

*A right old Englishman, if I ever sawr one.  And a tale obviously written to be read by an Englishman as well.

Rish's Story "The Sleeping Princess Wakes" On Delusions of Grandeur

Rish here.  Two years ago, I shared a story about young Luke Skywalker, "Beggar's Canyon," on both my own show and the "Star Wars: Delusions of Grandeur" podcast I do with Marshal Latham.  This was right before THE FORCE AWAKENS came out.  And following that tradition, I've got a similar story presented on the show, "The Sleeping Princess Wakes," which we're releasing right before THE LAST JEDI does its thing.

This story, which I talked about in 2015 but wasn't ambitious enough to write, tells a vignette about the teenaged Leia Organa, when she first meets Grand Moff Tarkin, and the seeds of rebellion that are planted within her.   It's fan-fiction, sure, but I hope it's enjoyable, quality fan-fiction.

Anyway, head on over to the Journey Into... website, where the DOG podcast (as Marshal and I affectionately call it) resides, and hear my reading of it, as well as our discussion afterward.  If you dig it, there may be more to come.

Happy Birthday, Big Anklevich!

Another year, another unauthorized birthday song.

TGMG 201: Stephen King Stubble Feature

So, two Stephen King adaptations were released theatrically "recently," and Rish went to both of them. Then poor Big had to too. How was THE DARK TOWER? And IT, the one you've actually heard of?

It's an episode so nice, we charged you twice!*

Spoilers, both of book and movies.


Download the episode by Right-Clicking HERE. We all Right-Click down here.

*What? What's that? We don't charge people for That Gets My Goat? What were we thinking?

Rish's Voice on "Campfire Radio Theater"

Rish here. I was recently fortunate enough to lend my voice to another of John Ballentine's impressive audio dramas over at "Campfire Radio Theater."  This one was called "Death and Alchemy," adapted by a short story by the bearded Patrick Moody.

This one be just as delightful as the others I've participated in, which is a zombie plague tale set in Victorian London.  I am always impressed by the soundscape and am often surprised by the emotional resonance these guys wrest from the audio drama format. Makes me want to up my game.



John asked me if I could play a cranky old Scottish man, and I smiled big, thinking of my omnipresent imaginary friend and podcast partner. Unfortunately, once I got that in my head, it became difficult NOT to do a Connery impression for the character. Hopefully, I succeeded more than I failed.

Check it out at THIS LINK!

Rish Performs "Perchance To Dream" by David Morrell

Rish here. I got to narrate another lengthy piece over at Far-Fetched Fables, District o' Wonders's Fantasy podcast.  Have you checked them out?

It was "Perchance to Dream," by David Morrell, about a sleep therapist with a rather problematic new patient, one that struggles with more than just managing to sleep through the night.

This one as quite a challenge.  Not for anything technical (although I did have to say "Clonazepam" four or five times), but because I was a bit vague on what it all meant, hence, how to perform it.

So, I did something I've never done before (although maybe I once did asking Aeryn Rudel how to say his name): I contacted the writer to ask his opinion on how to perform it.  I recognized David Morrell's name from someplace, and realized that this was the guy who wrote The Name of the Rose and First Blood.  So, I guess I was lucky he emailed me back.

Even so, I'd be curious to find out what listeners to the story think it all means, since I came up snake eyes.

Here's the link.  Sleep well!

That Gets My Goat 200: All Things Must Pass

It's the end of an era, as Big Anklevich and Rish Outfield meet one last time to podcast before Big moves away to the Lone Star State. Big talks about his last day at work, and saying goodbye to his daily commute, and a George Harrison song on The Beatles' "Black Album."



Celebrate our 200th episode by Right-Clicking HERE and saving the file to your hard drive to listen to at your leisure.

TGMG 199: Spider-man Home-chumming

After a lengthy delay, Big and Rish bring you their conversation about SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING!*

Warning: spoilers. And lots and lots of talking.



Do as a spider can, and download this episode by Right-Clicking HERE.


*Nearly called this one Spider-man: Moan-coming, Spider-man: Home-slumming, and yes, Spider-man Irritable Bowel Syndrome-coming.

Rish's Second Audio Collection

Rish here.  So, I've been trying to put out my audio recordings in collections, so people can buy them.  A novel idea, I know.  This was my first one.

Well, the second volume is out there, just waiting for some non-discerning listener to buy it. I got my pal Gino Moretto to do the cover art for this collection too, and while it's not the same as the first one, I feel they have a relation, a thematic consistency.

So, this particular collection consists of an Introduction and

Say Uncle

A Slight Delay

Touching

Unique Combination

All Night Gas

The Awful Tale of the Minnesota Diarrhea Ghost

New Year’s Day

Unpleasant Sensation

Dead Letter

Subtext

Quiddler’s Menagerie

Rest Stop

Overtaken

Leap of Faith

Last Call

Discovery

On Dusty Wings

Greetings from the Ninth Sector

Some of these stories have been heard before, and some are extended or revised versions, and there are a couple flash fiction pieces not available anywhere else.

I already have a story or three in mind for a third collection, but it'll be a while.  Ambition comes scarce around here. 

Buy the collection here!   And thanks.

Rish Outfield, Audio Dood

TGMG 198: Don't Fear the Sweeper

AKA "The Return of Angry Rish Outfield."

Big and Rish recount their epic feud with the dread parking lot sweeper.



If you feel up to downloading this episode, just Right-Click on The Link.

That Gets My Goat 197: Wonder "Men"

This is a little out of order, but I figured we ought to post our review sometime before it hits video.



If you feel up to downloading this episode, just Right-Click on The Link.

Rish Performs "Single Parent" on Cast of Wonders

In the U.S., today was Father's Day, and in honor of the holiday, I got to narrate an odd little story over at the "Cast of Wonders" podcast.  It's called "Single Parent," by Sarah Gailey, and it tells the familiar tale of a dad checking his kid's closet for monsters . . . and finding one.

The story is certainly interesting (as the man's wife used to be the one to dispose of pesky spiders and/or closet monsters, and now he has to figure out how to do it himself), and it's neat they had a Father's Day story planned enough in advance to get it out for the day.

Anyway, check it out if ye like, at THIS LINK.  At the very least, it's got a fairly good narrator.*

 

Rish

 

*Oh, and Fake Sean gets a bit of a shout-out in this episode too . . . so there's that.

TGMG 196: Dunsteefians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

It's a little overdue (but what isn't?), but here's Rish 'n Big's review of GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2.  Coming up next . . . probably our timely review of GODS OF EGYPT.

Yo, spoilers.



If you feel up to downloading this episode, just Right-Click on The Link.

Rish Narrates "Malachi and the Ghost Kitten" by Abigail Hilton

This is the second book in Abbie's Eve and Malachi series.  I thought it was a little disturbing, but hey, I'm only one voice.

Well, a bunch of voices, actually.  But you know what I mean.

In this second book, Eve, Malachi and company encounter a scary house down the road where many animals enter . . . but none ever leave.  It's an interesting Horror-centric installment with the series, and I would've loved this one most of all as a kid . . . which would have disturbed my parents almost as much as the 2012 copyright on the book.

You can find my reading at this link, or you can probably scoop it up from Abbie directly for cheaper.

TGMG 195: Patterson Fails To Kill Stephen King

Two things: 1) this one is another "On The Go" recording, so the sound quality is quite the opposite of good, and 2) This was really hard to come up with a title for.

Basically, famous author James Patterson announced a book about a little known author from Maine, which ended up causing some kind of controversy, and ultimately, plans to release "The Killing of Stephen King" were canceled. So, we talk about that, and about writers using the people they know in their books. Where's my line, anyway?



As always, if you want to download the episode, just Right-Click this here link.

Chuck Norris Doesn't Listen To The Dunesteef

...The Dunesteef listens to him.

TGMG 194: The Show Must Go On

During a lengthy drive, Big and Rish talk about road trips.  Along the way, Rish has something nice to say about Scarlett Johansson, and Big has an announcement about his future . . . and the future of the show.

Warning: icky engine noise.



Download the show by Right-Clicking the link here and saving to the hard drive.

Rish Narrates "Feeding Malachi" by Abigail Hilton

Rish here.  One time, Abbie told me she had written a series of children's books.  I was quite impressed.  To impress her back, I told her I once wrote an Eighties Slasher movie script called "Sorority House Butchery."*  But a year later, she asked me if I wanted to narrate the series.

And hey, book one in the Eve and Malachi series, "Feeding Malachi," is available now on Audible!

It tells the story of a curious young rat who escapes her cage and goes exploring, discovering another cage belonging to a funny creature called Malachi, who is all tail and a big head with a flicking tongue.  Oh, and she also discovers what Malachi eats.**

I've never written a childrens book (or narrated one), but it was fun, quick, and I'd be happy to share them with my own children.  If they could stand to listen to my voices, that is.

Rish

*Which was patently untrue.  I only started it.

**Spoiler . . . it's tofu.

That Gets My Goat 193: March Report

So, after writing every single day in February, Big doubled his writing goal for March.  Rish, unwilling to stay behind (it's dark and creepy back here), went along with it as well.  How did they do?

Warning: contains comments from California Rish Outfield and Hollywood Big Anklevich.



Download the file by Right-Clicking the link here.

Rish Narrates "Awake" by Abigail Hilton

The first book I performed for Abbie Hilton was "Hunters Unlucky," a sprawling Epic Fantasy novel about the warring species of sentient animals on an island and their history.

I was happy to hear she had written a follow-up, "Awake," for her Patreon followers (did I mention I have a Patreon account now?  Oh . . . well, I will).  It takes place a year after "Hunters" ends and picks up with several of the characters' lives.

I must admit that I found it quite a challenge to a) remember the voices I gave to each of these characters and b) keep them straight in my narration, especially when they were speaking to one another.*  There were two new characters, so those voices were easy.

What's kind of remarkable about this story--actually, there's two things. The first is, that the main character of "Hunters Unlucky" doesn't appear in "Awake." He's referenced, but it focuses on other characters. The remarkable thing I wanted to mention, though, is that it deals, in bold terms, with lifelong enemies somehow not only becoming allies . . . but friends. The characters I initially took to be The Bad Guys when I first read "Hunters Unlucky" all have their own morality, their own positive qualities . . . their own heroic qualities, and this is on clear display here, where the main character of "Awake" is one of those beings I found most unknowable and alien in the larger book.

Hilton manages all this--as well as giving little updates as to what's going on with the other characters from the book--in very few words, and what seems to me to be effortlessness.

If that is a word.

Anyway, check it out, if ye like, at this link.

Or you can pick it up here on Audible . . . but it does cost a little more.  Or nothing, if you've got one of those subscription things.

Plus, here's my Patreon link.

Rish "I Dunno, I'm Just The Narrator" Outfield

*Abbie must have anticipated this, because along with the manuscript, she sent along portions of the audiobook where I voiced those characters, so I wouldn't have to guess what they sounded like (or worse, try and find my original notes somewhere on my hellishly cluttered desk).

TGMG 192: Old Man Dunesteef

Big and Rish go to see LOGAN, the final Wolverine movie starring Huge Ackman.

And they're still sad.

Download this'n by Right-Clicking the link here.

Rish Performs "Caveat Emptor..." on Far Fetched Fables

Friends, Far-Fetched Fables is a fabulous farm of fascinating fact, fiction, and folly, follow?

FFF is a podcast that puts out short stories, mostly Fantasy, every every single week.  I don't know how they do it, but hey, I can do a story for them when they ask.

This time, they asked me to narrate "Caveat Emptor, Caveat Venditor" by Edward Ahern.

It's about a wizard named Harald, who--

That's right, Harald.  Oh kids, I had a bugger of a time recording this one, with almost constant repetitions of "said Harold sadly, as he--  I mean, said Harald sadly..."  And even then, about one of every five Harolds I forgot to correct, and I had to decide whether it sounded enough like Harald to get by, or whether I had to rerecord the line.

Anyway, Harald is a failed warlock who teams up with a failed demon, in an attempt to change his stars.  There's some mental telepathy between a human and a supernatural thrall, so I got to play with the audio a bit (and we've got a story coming on the 'steef with a very similar premise).  You can listen to the story at this link!

In Honor of the Least-Necessary Remake Ever

As you may know, the remake of 1991's BEAUTY & THE BEAST comes out today.  So, in "honor" of that, let me repost a certain song from a couple years back.  I guarantee, in this at least, there's no Autotune.

Enjoy?

TGMG 191: You Got the Write Stuff, Baby

Rish 'n Big went to their annual local writers conference, and come out rarin' to go. 

Except Big was already rarin' to go.  Remember California Rish?  Well, meet Hollywood Big.

And yes, that's a New Kids on the Block reference.  If you recognized it, then you are (also) old.



Download this fugger by Right-Clicking the link here.

Rish's Voice on "The Eyestalk Kid" on YouTube

A long time ago, I was asked to contribute my voice to Al Bruno III's "The Eyestalk Kid."

Well, it's available, in video form, over at YouTube. The carnival comes to town, and with it a barker wanting fifty dollars to view something called The Eyestalk Kid.  Hilarity does not ensue.

 

I voice Mister Fether, and follow the link to hear the tale.

This is an interesting format to release it in, since it's still totally just an audio file, with a couple of images in the background.  Makes me wonder if I should release a story or two of my own on YouTube, turning the audio into a makeshift video version.

That Gets My Goat 190: February Report

Not long ago, Big declared February to be the month he would write every single day.  So Rish decided to do it too.  It's DuPoWriMo!



If you wanna download this episode, just Right-Click HERE. Go ahead, I dare you.

You can find (and throw money at) Rish's Patreon right here.

Rish's First Audio Collection

Hey kids, currently available exclusively on Audible.com is "The Calling: The Audio Fiction of Rish Outfield Volume One." 

It's a collection of a dozen or so short stories, narrated by me, and all together in one place.  It also includes a couple of irritating pieces unavailable anywhere else (I believe this was Big's idea, who used to tell me I was wasting my time when I'd write microfiction, unless, as he put it, "you put it into a story collection as a sort of bonus track").

The collection includes an Introduction and:

Stormy Weather  
A Difficult Age
The Cemetery Tale 
Lost and Found 
Brighted 
MagiClaw 
Unconventional 
Sleeptalkin' Gal 
Passing Notes 
Last Night of Freedom 
Trick 
Memory Lane 
The Calling 

 The tiny stories are in italics.

 My pal Gino Moretto created the cover for me . . . and look at that little "volume 1."  What do you think of that?   I will one day get to work on the next volume, trying to include older and brand-new recordings.

In the meantime, check it out if you get the notion.  I know you'll get to like it if you give a chance now.

 Yeah, that was from The Locomotion, what about it?

 Rish Outfield, Audio Dork

That Gets My Goat 189: Rogue Fun

Yeah, I know it's not a good title, but NOTHING rhymes with "rogue,"* and to call it "Rogue Scum" or "Rogue None" only works with a really bad movie.

Big and Rish go see the new "Star Wars" movie as soon as it opens, and while they didn't love it as much as you did . . . well, maybe you should just listen to the episode. Spoilers abound, of course.



You can Right Click HERE and select Save Link As, to save the file to your hard drive.

*Brogue doesn't count. Unless you're Fake Sean Connery. And you're not.