G'day Post

Rick Kennett is a writer we've produced on the show a few times before. He's submitted us quite an interesting array of stories, and nearly all of them would make for great episodes. The problem is, the guy's Australian.

'Nuff said.
No, no, it's not what you think. Not really. Okay, it's PARTLY what you think, but it's more that I can't do a very good Australian accent. See, nearly all my accents have started out as impressions or imitations of someone famous, only later downshifting into my own voice. And my exemplar for Australian is Paul Hogan in CROCODILE DUNDEE. Hate me for it if you like, but that was my first major exposure to the Aussie way of speaking, and whenever I think of that accent, it usually involves "that's not a knife, this is a knife" in some way.

And I am constantly reminded that Australians just don't sound that way. At least most of them don't. The actual accent is kind of lovely (when it's not coming out of Nicole Kidman, that is), a slightly-harsher version of the English accent that I love, with differences here and there, often minor enough I don't pick up on them. I'm aware that my Australian accent rings untrue.*

So we try not to read Australian stories ourselves. And in the past, that's meant we were at the mercy of anybody willing to volunteer to read parts for us, no matter how awful their microphones. It could take months between accepting a Rick Kennett story to actually getting it recorded. And one he sent us

just languished nearly eternally, because it was an Australian Naval Ghost Story (a huge subgenre with a section in every city's library). British Navy? Sure, hand it over? Oz Navy? Uh oh.

Rick seems pretty patient. I know I wouldn't be. But hey, you know my failings.

Well, recently, our fearless and hardworking submissions editor SuddenDeath Nicole managed to go out and get some voices from Down Undah, and we were saved. All we had to do was read the text, give Big one of the characters, and we'd finally get this story out. Big got an email the other day from someone volunteering to edit an episode for us, and he/we decided to send him our reading for this new Kennett story (entitled "Out of the Storm") along with the voices Nicole had acquired for us. Plus, it was a short story, an excellent one for a new editor to cut his teeth on.

Simple enough, right?

O, fortuna. I struggled unbelievably on this story, literally screwing up at least once on every single paragraph.

In the past, I think I've struggled most with the Popoca stories (they're the ones set in a Steampunkish past where the great Aztec empire stayed great, and Ulrich Popoca is an Amerazteclan ambassador to England, using phrases like "Cihuatecuhtli, Fellucci," as though that actually means something. So it was with horror that I discovered that naval terminology was not my forte (at least, that's what Big Anklevich claimed, sitting next to me as I stuttered, stammered, stumbled, squandered, spindled, spatulaed, and mispronounced. He's a supportive guy, which is why there's probably a woman looking longingly in his direction at this very moment). Over an hour we spent, reading the damn thing, only to realize that I had pronounced Lieutenant as "Lieutenant" rather than "Lef-tenant, which Big insisted I go back and re-record.

And the accents? We tried our best to give everyone not only an Australian accent, but a different voice, just in case Nicole only got three Oz volunteers instead of eight. And I wonder if any of them are usable.**

Luckily, Rick's sent us another story for the holiday season or the new year that a couple of semi-educated Yanks can narrate perfectly.

Or at least adequately. So all is not lost.

Rish "On To New Zealand!" Outfield

*And Big? Well, he's just Big.

**In Big's defence, he seemed to understand this was just a template track, and his voice would not be used for the main character. I didn't realise that, and constantly asked him to alter his reading or performance, so it would sound more like the part did in my damaged, malfunctioning brain. Like C-3PO, why doesn't anyone listen to him?

That Gets My Goat: In 3-D

Oh kids, it had to happen. A topic Rish and Big had so much to say about, they couldn't limit it to one episode, or two, or even three.

Wait, what? Just three? Oh, okay, turns out they were able to limit it to three episodes. But in honor of what Rish proclaims to be "the greatest movies ever made," we're bringing you a . . . Trilogy . . . of episodes, lambasting 3-D, the greed of a certain bearded billionaire filmmaker, and complaints about the film industry in general.



Right click HERE to download the episode, select Save Link As, and save the file to your hard drive.

Big and Rish read a story on Cast Macabre

If you just can't get enough of us (no pushing, ladies), Big and I were able to perform a story over on Barry Northern's Cast Macabre podcast. The horror story was called Blind Man's Bluff, written by Brian Ross, and at first glance, seemed to be made for us, as it dealt with two guys lost in a snowstorm.

Unfortunately, somewhere toward the end, we realized that we were supposed to be from the Jolly/Bloody/Manky/Right-o/Ever-so/Sodding/Howdy,y'all/Gor Blimey U.K., and we'd been doing the wrong accent throughout. Whoops.

We hoped Barry could forgive us. But that remains to be seen.

Rish's story on "The Way of the Buffalo"

Hugh O'Donnell's podcast, The Way of the Buffalo, recently aired one of Rish's short stories (a blink-and-you-miss-it-length tale about a cellphone called "Subtext." Afterward, he interviews a pair of ghost hunters, which is almost certainly more interesting than any of Rish's work.

TWOTB is a fairly new podcast, as ours once was, so it would be nice if people supported Hugh's efforts and encouraged the man not to pod-fade. He'd do the same for us, I'd wager.

Lizanne Herd reads a story on "Starship Sofa"

Our lovely friend (and contributor) Lizanne has brought it to my attention that her reading of Jason Sanford's story "The Ships Like Clouds, Risen by Their Rain," is now up over at the Starship Sofa podcast. Jason Sanford is also a friend of the show, so go o'er there and check it out sometime.

Also, Rish voices the Mayor in that story. And has absolutely no memory of doing so.

Strange.

That Gets My Goat Ocho

Big Anklevich and Rish Outfield are back to grouse and growl. This time, they complain about online contests, chain emails, how there's no security on the internet . . . and how there's too much security on the internet.

Can nothing please these people?



Right click HERE to download the episode, select Save Link As, and save the file to your hard drive.

Rish on "Space Vessel Bird"

Recently, Big asked me why I hadn't used this blog to plug the voicework I'd done without him (ie on my own incredibly crappy microphone at home), and I told him I thought this blog was about the 'steef only, or at least the Dunesteef team.

But he disagreed, so I figured I'd mention something I stumbled across just today.

A few months ago, Big and I had a bit of a crisis of faith when it came to the podcast. We shut down production and didn't work on it for a while, choosing to lick our wounds and pursue other endeavors. But I still wanted to be able to act and read stories and such. One of our listeners (and I apologize for not remembering who it was) mentioned that he knew of an audio drama that was looking for voice talent, and recommended I give it a try.

I checked out what people were asking for, still wishing I hadn't missed the chance to try for my dream voicejob of Jayne Cobb in the "Firefly" podcast. I recorded a couple of auditions, and despite my laughably terrible microphone, I managed to snag a couple of really exciting roles (one of them, a fun adaptation of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"'s Season Eight comic book, can be found here: www.lightningbolttheater.com/default.aspx).

Among them was an interesting and well-written adventure set in the "Star Trek" universe called Space Vessel Bird. I got the part of Captain Zachary Beck, the disgraced former starship captain now stuck in a Starfleet penal colony. I hadn't heard back from them in a while, but I checked their website today and found that their first episode went up in September. If you're interested, give them a listen (I'm doing so now, and it's an interesting experience. As we've dealt with on our own show, the audio quality of different participants really varies, which is frustrating. And, of course, I can't help but scrutinize my own performance, but ah well).

During that period this summer, I recorded quite a lot for a bunch of different podcasts and audio dramas, but if they don't tell me the shows have dropped, I'll never know. I'll keep y'all posted, though.

Rish "Master Thespian" Outfield